My Journey with Stephen

I first met Pam and Dave more than 35 years ago when they were living in the Washington, DC area. They hosted Bill and me and our three children for dinner in their home even before they had Stephen. That invitation started a life-changing journey for our families, and we have been friends ever since. They were brave and courageous then and still are today!

In fact, when we received the telephone call from Dave on Monday saying they needed us—we said, “What a way for Stephen to go. He went to sleep and stepped right into the arms of Jesus.” We immediately went to their home and breathed a prayer of thanks that we were here in Arizona to share in their pain at “such a time as this.” Maybe God knew their needs when our house sold so quickly in Ohio and we were able to recently move out here.

Our entire Washington, DC, Church of the Nazarene family is greatly saddened by the news of Stephen’s sudden passing. Now, from different areas of the world, they send their condolences to you—Pam, Dave, Jeffrey, Kristen, Darien and Crysta, plus all of you extended family members. Two of these couples are here today. We were privileged to know Dave’s mother, as well as Pam’s mother and father. When our mutual friends have asked about how you were doing, we’ve responded, “They are doing just like they have lived their lives every day—faithful and on a firm foundation!”

In 1979, their lives changed significantly with the birth of Stephen.

A couple of years later Jeffrey was born, and I had the privilege of taking care of Stephen while Pam was in the hospital for Jeffrey’s birth.

Our church family prayed unceasingly when Stephen underwent life-altering surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. He was one of our children, and we all shared the pain. God intervened and touched Stephen, and his life was extended beyond what doctors predicted.

When Jeffrey was diagnosed with meningitis, I met Dave at Fairfax Hospital and, again, took Stephen home with me. Once again our corporate prayers were answered as Jeffrey fully recovered. His big brother Stephen loved Jeffrey more than he could ever express. That love was mutual. Stephen always looked out for Jeffrey! When people were passing out give-always, Stephen really didn’t care if he received one, but he made sure he got one for Jeffrey. Jeffrey, we love you, and are so happy to see you and Kristen, Darien and Crysta here today, during such difficult circumstances.

As many of you know, Stephen was an avid collector—cars (he only had thousands of them). He would sit for hours and watch cars go by. At the Prescott Camp Meeting, Stephen shared cars of every color and shape with our three grandchildren. They are obviously very special grandchildren or they would have never been permitted to play with Stephen’s vehicles. Just a few weeks ago, when our five-year-old grandson was coming to our home to see Stephen, he brought him five more cars! Last Monday, Stephen’s assignment was going to be to write Justin a “thank you,” but instead, Stephen had a life-changing event! I’m sure he’s completed our Justin a perfectly hand-written note while sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Stephen liked action! He got excited over “Love Bug” and “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.” You see, these movies and others were filled with non-stop action and really kicked up the dust. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been dubbed Heaven’s Number One Nascar driver, or as a Nazarene I’d like call it the “Naz”car award!

Nearly any place you saw Stephen, he would be wearing his favorite baseball cap of the day. This was another one of his collections. Stephen also enjoyed bowling and football! Being from Washington, DC, home of the Redskins, he is now resting on his favorite Redskins’ pillow and sheet! He had an “eye” for photography and often encouraged his Mom and Dad to take pictures of unique sights.

Stephen enjoyed school and developed close friends at Young Life Capernaum, a segment of Young Life that serves young adults with special needs. What a blessing for him to be involved with such an outstanding ministry that supported him and countless other special young adults.

As always, God paved the way for Stephen when he went to Ecuador with his parents in missions work. A young man immediately saw the God-given potential Stephen had and mentored him in such ways that Dave and Pam knew their assignment was of God. Little is much if God is in it! And Stephen was abundantly blessed in Ecuador.

I asked our friends Merritt and Judy what I should share about Stephen. They immediately said, “Stephen loved to sing.” Stephen and Jeffrey were always involved in the children’s music. Jeffrey played the saxophone at camp meeting and in the church orchestra; and in recent years, Stephen took guitar lessons.

Evelyn recalled Stephen as a little boy as she tried to get him to go to sleep at her home. Living on the hill above Reagan National Airport, Stephen had more important things to do than sleep—he had his very own highway of fast cars outside the huge picture window to keep him mesmerized. Not to mention the airplanes taking off and landing right before his eyes! What entertainment!

Stephen liked to play with his friend Timmy who was also born in 1979. Timmy’s mother remembers how she always cherished seeing the joy Stephen brought to his Mom and Dad.

Stephen was a cooperative traveler—wherever his Mom and Dad went, he joined them. We’ve visited each other numerous times in Virginia, Arizona, Ohio, and Massachusetts where my husband gave Stephen another baseball cap, albeit a very special Eastern Nazarene College one. We fans are confident that he’s probably wearing a Red Sox one right now! How heavenly!

Bill and I team taught a young couples' Sunday School class in DC First Church; Pam and Dave were members of the class, and for a number of years they taught classes for children. The family was not only faithful to Christ and the church, but they were faithful disciples in bringing others with them. Their automobile always had room for one more. Stephen and Jeffrey were always there with them as they served and participated in the church, doing whatever was needed. When anyone asked us about them, our description was and still is “faithful servants and true friends.”

Bill and I count it a privilege to have been here in this church with Pam, Dave, and Stephen just two weeks ago. Stephen brought joy and envy to all of us after church as he most thoroughly enjoyed his pancake brunch! His sensitivity to others was a gift from God as he almost offered to share his most-cherished pancakes with us. Stephen’s joy was elevated when he had pizza, Pepsi, and crushed chocolate brownie toppings.

A friend that I met recently through a Bible study is praying for you and wanted you to have this poem titled, “To All Parents” by Edgar A. Guest.

[Doris read the poem.]

As we are mourning the passing of Stephen, Pam and Dave are confident that “God has a plan.” Stephen’s passing is part of that plan. Now Jeffrey, Dave, Pam and all of us must all pick up where Stephen left off.

Our Heavenly Father’s words describe Pam and Dave so fittingly, “Well done thou good and faithful servant, you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many” (Matthew 25:23). The same can be said of Stephen. He has been victorious in fighting the good fight! Like his thousands of cars, “He has won the race!”

Our dear friend Evelyn so effectively summed up Stephen’s passing, “I feel anxious to meet the ‘real’ Stephen. I have an idea what was inside him, but it was locked up pretty tightly.” May we all look forward to the day when we, too, will be privileged to meet a new and victorious Stephen.

Doris presented these memories of Stephen at his funeral.

Young Life Capernaum

I am honored that Dave and Pam asked me to share a few words with you about my relationship with my friend Steve. They have also asked me to tell you a little bit about our ministry, Young Life Capernaum, that has been so much a part of Stephen’s life the last 8 years.

I first met Steve about 8 years ago. Dave and Pam and Steve live in North Central Phoenix near the Phoenix preserve area; they live just a few doors down from a very popular trailhead for climbing Shaw Butte. My wife and I would park at the trailhead quite often and one day I noticed a young man sitting on the curb watching the cars and people—well, it was Steve. As I passed by him in my car I rolled down the window and said hello. Of course, Steve ignored me—his parents had faithfully taught him ”stranger danger”. Over the course of a few weeks, I saw Steve sitting on the curb numerous times. Each time I would stop and say hello, and each time he would completely ignore me. One time during our comings and goings, his father Dave came by to get him to take him back to the house. I was fortunate to get to share with Dave about our ministry to teens and young adults with disabilities. Soon afterward, we were excited when Dave brought Steve to club, and he became one of our most faithful participants for 8 years.

The video that was shown at the beginning of the service [Phoenix Capernaum Club: Amazing Grace] was filmed at one of our Capernaum clubs. Our Capernaum group meets weekly on Thursday nights during the school year and a few times during the summer. We average 30 to 40 friends with disabilities every week, and Steve was one of our most faithful participants. In Young Life, we believe that “It is a sin to bore a kid with the Gospel,” so we have a lot of fun in our gatherings which we call “Club”. We sing songs, do crazy skits, play wacky games—but our primary goal is to share the Love of Jesus Christ with our friends. We emphasize to our friends that they are special, they are made in the image of God, that they all have special gifts from God, that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for all of us so that we might have a relationship with our Father in Heaven and have eternal salvation.

Steve loved to come to Young Life club. He had his favorite place to sit and would somehow squeeze into his spot if someone else were sitting there. He always wore a baseball cap and a t-shirt or sweatshirt with a team logo on it.

One of our favorite things to do at club is “Talent Night” where the kids can sing a song or do a dance or play a musical instrument. On several occasions Steve would bring his guitar and play one of his two favorite songs—I’ve Been Working on the Railroad or Santa Claus is Coming to town. His mom, Pam, told me she and Steve had been talking about what song he wanted to sing at our next talent night, and he was going to add Amazing Grace to his repertoire. As we heard at the beginning of the service, when our friends sing Amazing Grace, it is the voice of angels singing; and I am sure Steve is singing along today.

Usually once a year we have a “Show and tell” Club. I remember one year Steve brought a bag with about 100 toy Hot Wheels cars to share. When I was reminiscing with Dave and Pam this week and shared this with them, they told me how lucky I was that he only brought 100 cars. I went into his room, and now have a better understanding of what they meant—Steve loved cars!!

Steve loved and adored Santa Claus and Christmas—it didn’t matter what time of year it was. At our Capernaum Christmas Clubs, I would dress up as Santa and have the joy of sharing the “magic” of Christmas with our friends. Every year Steve would faithfully bring his list to share with Santa. It always included cars.

Young Life Capernaum is a specialty ministry within our parent ministry, Young Life. Young Life was founded 69 years ago in Texas and is now present in every state and in over 100 countries internationally. We are currently reaching over 1 million teens around the world. The majority of Young Life reaches out to un-churched and disinterested high school teenagers. One of the beliefs of Young Life is “Every Kid everywhere for eternity”. So as the ministry grew over the years, the focus expanded to include Junior High kids (which is call WyldLife), College students, teens on military bases, teenage mothers (Young Lives), and people with disabilities (Capernaum).

Capernaum was founded 23 years ago in San Jose, CA. The ministry was small for a number of years. Our Phoenix group started 13 years ago in Northeast Phoenix. Over the last six or seven years the ministry has grown to over 140 locations, and in the last three years in Arizona we are now reaching over 100 friends in four active groups here in the valley and growing groups in Flagstaff, Prescott and Tucson. We now have over 30 volunteer leaders serving our young friends in Arizona. If you would like to be a part of our ministry, come and see!!

Dave and Pam have asked that we play a short video with you about our ministry and the friends we serve. There is a sweet shot of Steve in a red t-shirt about five minutes into the video.

[The video Capernaum: Village of Comfort was shown.]

Many of us are uncomfortable with people like Stephen who has a disability. The gentleman at the end of the video encourages us to take a chance and seek out a person with a disability and try to connect with them—be comfortable with being uncomfortable, take the time to get to know them.

In Matthew 25:40, Jesus reminds us that “whatever we do for the least of these” we do for Him. The Message bible translates this as “whatever we do for someone overlooked and ignored” we do for Him. Our friends with disabilities are overlooked and ignored every day and unfortunately many of them are “ignored” by their own families.

Dave and Pam, I am so thankful that God chose you to be Stephen’s parents because you have loved him unconditionally, you shared the Love of Christ with him, and you gave other people like me and the people here today a chance to know Stephen and to love him.

[The videos are available at http://phoenixcapernaum.younglife.org/]

Presented by David Thames at Stephen’s funeral, February 1 2010 in Tempe, Arizona.

Stephen's Life

Stephen was born in Falls Church,Virginia, on Sunday, May 27, 1979 and died in Phoenix, Arizona in his sleep on Monday, January 25, 2010. At birth, Stephen was diagnosed with Noonan's Syndrome which encompassed some physical anomalies as well as developmental delays. He began to have seizures at age two and at age twelve a brain tumor was diagnosed. Following the surgery, Dr. Ben Carson, who is Chief of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins University Hospital, became his doctor and followed his progress.

After the family moved to Phoenix, Arizona in 2000, Stephen attended and graduated from Thunderbird High School and began attending Life Challenge. With his friends there, he enjoyed bowling, cooking, movies, field trips and more. He attended weekly meetings of Young Life Capernaum and received twice weekly sessions at Neurologic Music Therapy Services of Arizona.

In 2004 he won a trophy in the Phoenix Special Olympics Bowling Tournament for the highest scratch score for a male bowler not using an aid. Over the years he received many 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place team and individual medals in bowling, bocci ball, softball throw, and running.

He liked learning to play the guitar, playing tennis, softball, and riding his bicycle, as well as playing Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt video games. An avid collector of model cars, team t-shirts, and sports caps, Stephen never tired of making new acquisitions to his collections.

During his life Stephen was active in three Nazarene churches: Washington D.C. First, Phoenix Monte Vista and Tempe. He was thrilled when he went to Ecuador with his parents who studied at the Nazarene International Language Institute in 2008.

Stephen loved Jesus and was a blessing to his family and his friends.

Friends Every Day

It happened often, and it happened everywhere. Maybe it happened when we met you.

Stephen would approach someone and ask, “Do you want to be our friend every day?”

It happened to the little boy and girl at the restaurant. It happened to my co-workers at the Testing Services Branch. It happened often at church. It happened at Life Challenge and school and Music Therapy. It happened in Washington and Phoenix, and in 2008, it happened in Ecuador. He would get you and us and bring us together for this urgent conversation. Maybe we were needed to confirm it, maybe to help you understand because you may have been a little confused about what he was asking. Probably we needed to be part of the commitment he wanted.

“Do you want to be our friend every day? My name is Stephen.”

If you looked puzzled, we might interject, “He just wants to be your friend.”

You would be so good and say, “Of course, Stephen, I’ll be your friend.”

Then Stephen would turn to us and exclaim, “They are going to be our friends every day!” He might grab you by the hand or arm or give you an enthusiastic hug, and then turn again to us and say, “They are going to be our friends every day!”

“Every day?”

We might not meet again for days or months or years, but we were friends forever, always, “Every day!”

In the evening, at prayer time Stephen’s turn was always the longest. He prayed for so many. “Let Pam have a good night’s sleep. Let Dad have a good night’s sleep. Let Jeffrey have a good night’s sleep. (He married my friend Kristen, but he’s still part of our family too.) And let Jeffrey’s kids have a good night sleep...and...my cousins (Some of them married, and I have more cousins.)...and...the men who worked on our house...and...my little boy friend and my little girl friend...and...my friend Bobbi...and...my friends Jeremy and Ryan...and...Susie and Marcia...”

When Stephen prayed for someone to “have a good night’s sleep,” I believe he meant something like this: “Lord, lift my friends’ cares and burdens and through Your grace give them the peace that will let them rest.”

When Stephen saw you again, he would grab you or us and bring us together and declare, “This is our friend. He is going to be our friend every day!”

“Yes, Stephen.”

“This is our friend. She is going to be our friend every day!”

“Yes, Stephen.”

“These are our friends. They are going to be our friends every day!”

“Yes, Stephen.”

That renewed covenant was enacted over and over again at Life Challenge, church, Young Life, the mall, family reunions, campmeeting, and General Assemblies.

You were such good friends.

Sunday night after prayers and kisses and hugs, Stephen was tucked in and went to sleep. In the night he met his oldest friend face to face. I can only imagine him running up to us now holding that friend by His hand.

“This is our best friend, Jesus! He’s going to be our friend every day!”

This memory of Stephen was written by his father and was read at his funeral, February 1 2010 in Tempe, Arizona.

The Blessings

[For those who do not read Spanish and those who can and were wondering what we had intended to write, here is the same posting in English.]

"God bless you," Christians have told us. God has blessed us. We have come to know special people in Ecuador.

Our teacher, Adriana, has been patient with us. She was always friendly and ready to help. She is very sharp. She has been a blessing.

Kim has been a faithful adviser. All the help she has given us has been excellent. She has been a blessing.

Lucy and Solomon have worked conscientiously every day. They have been blessings.

Dwight and Carolina and Jon and Shirley have looked for ways to help us. They have been blessings.

The Hall family has always been in action. God has used them for a blessing.

The opportunity to see the Church in Ecuador has been a blessing. God is working in his people. The Church is working in this place.

God has blessed us.

Las Bendiciones

“Dios te bendiga,” los Cristianos nos han dicho. Dios nos ha bendecido. Nosotros hemos conocido la gente especial en Ecuador.

La profesora Adriana ha estado paciente con nosotros. Ella siempre ha estado amable y lista a ayudarnos. Ella es muy lista. Ella ha sido una bendición.

Kim ha sido una consejera fiel. Toda la ayuda de ella ha estado excelente. Ella ha sido una bendición.

Lucy y Salomón han trabajado concienzudamente todos los días. Ellos han sido unos bendiciones.

Dwight y Carolina y Jon y Shirley han buscado caminos para ayudarnos. Ellos han sido unos bendiciones.

La familia Hall siempre ha estado en acción. Dios ha usado ellos para una bendición.

La oportunidad de ver la Iglesia en Ecuador ha sido una bendición. Dios está trabajando en su gente. La Iglesia está trabajando en este lugar.

Dios nos ha bendecido.

La Selva

We have been on a six-day trip to the eastern part of Ecuador. It is part of the upper reaches of the Amazon River basin. We stayed in the town of Shell near Puyo at the hostel near the Church of the Nazarene. It is being run by the pastor's wife and another young couple. It was clean and neat, but has just recently been taken over by the church. It needs some work. We did some painting and cleaned the exterior wood with Diesel fuel to protect it from termites.

On Tuesday, we took a long hike into the forest to see a waterfall and some of the group went swimming in the pool at the base of the waterfall. Stephen enjoyed sitting in the water and throwing rocks. It was a difficult hike, but we had great guides who helped Stephen navigate the steep sections in the trail. After the hike, they served us lunch of fresh fish. It was excellent. After lunch, we had a short ride down the river in dugout canoes. I was so tired that I could hardly sit on the stool to eat my hamburger that night. I lay down for a hour or so before taking my shower. That night, I slept very well.

Wednesday, we were flown over to the Huaorani Indian village for the morning. They had a short service with a few songs and a testimony from one of the tribe members who was part of the party that killed the five missionary men in 1956. He spoke in Huaorani which was then translated into Spanish and finally into English. We had prayer together and then walked over to a structure which was covered with palm leaves. There were tables on each side and and open area in the middle. Some of the Indians did a dance for about ten minutes. It was fun to watch them as they sang and danced almost like a train circling through the large shelter and out into the open.

If you don't know the story, try to find the movie "End of the Spear" or read the wikipedia articles on "Operation Auca."

We flew back to Shell in time for lunch and then went up river for the white water rafting. At the last minute, I decided that I was not comfortable to take Stephen in the raft, so he and I stayed with Lucy and one of the guides. Dave did go and had a great time. Everyone was soaked to the bone and exhausted.

This morning, the wife of a current Mission Aviation Fellowship pilot gave us a look inside the house of Nate Saint, the missionary pilot who was killed in 1956. The house was also a guest house for visiting missionaries and was used as a sort of hospital to care for sick and injured tribal members, so it is quite large. It is riddled with termites, so we did not walk around inside very far, but did see the kitchen and radio room. It is right across the street from the airport.

On our way back to Quito, at another spectacular waterfall, we took an open cable car ride across the river. This time, Dave watched. It was quite thrilling, and Stephen's hat blew off. It was good that Lucy caught it.

We arrived home a little before 5:00 and everyone was very tired. I still need to do some work on my journal for Monday. I don't want to put it off because we may be spending a lot of time in the office.

We wanted to get this posted tonight. We'll try to fill in more details soon. Look for pictures on Flickr also.